Not 20 seconds in and we’re already getting a disorienting montage of the history of spaceflight that mixes the Apollo rockets with X-Wings and the Millennium Falcon and the Death Star. It’s random silliness that wasn’t meant to be such, and so it becomes all the more hilarious than if it was intentional. It’s a parade of non sequitur goofiness, all with the spirit of filmmakers who genuinely thought they were making something impressive.Īt least it’s not boring, and that’s what you genuinely hope for when you dive into terribly made movies. One minute we might be looking at the heroes doing a training montage with rocks strapped to their legs, and the next fuzzy monsters in hockey jerseys are attacking people in the Mos Eisley cantina. Since very little in this film logically proceeds from what came before it, each scene wildly jumps in tone and focus. One of them also falls in love with a human slave who doesn’t say or do anything much more than smile alluringly. He sends zombies and big teddy bears after them, but the good guys are ready to fight for their right to party. Wizard Dude is very happy to have them, as their human brains might allow him to finally conquer Earth - but only if their willpower is broken. OK, so the guys get captured, and they find out that their foe is a 1,000-year-old wizard. And this huge, sprawling fight is over in 18 seconds, top, leaving you sitting there in shocked silence while your brain reboots. It’s like what Monty Python might come up with if they wanted to create a goofy scuffle: Sped-up action, rapid-fire cuts, people jump-kicking other people on horses, people speed-diving underneath horses, and Indiana Jones music playing over all of it. Here I must pause, partially to recover from laughing so hard, and try to convey what fight scenes are like in this movie. As one practices a woman-attracting whistle, he accidentally summons skeletons to fight. “Don’t be afraid to inflate your chest!” one tells the other. They openly hope that they’ve crashed onto a planet populated by just women. Sometimes it’s used in reverse, just to add some variety.Īfter the battle, our stalwart heroes crash-land on the planet of stock footage and Egyptian hieroglyphics. The thing is, pre-Special Edition Star Wars didn’t really have quite as much spaceship footage as you might remember, so what’s used here is used over and over and over again. So after this intro, our heroes fight what is supposed to be a large attack fleet, which is actually all of the X-Wings and Tie Fighters heading out to tangle at the Battle of Yavin. I garnered that all of humanity unified, there was peace, but that was bad because there were also nukes, and then part of the planet was nuked off into space, and now that we’re in the “Galaxy Age” some alien force has come to blast Earth with rays, but Earth is withstanding those thanks to a shield that’s being powered by human brains (and looks remarkably like the Death Star), and now two human warriors are going into space to fight this unknown enemy, which will surely lose because it has no brain. Against a backdrop of Star Wars spaceship scenes, a narrator tries to tell of the history of earth in the future, but it just out-and-out lost me. The first two minutes of this film come at you like a charging bull of lunacy, and trust me when I tell you that you are not prepared for it. As a result of its general insanity and association with one of the most popular franchises in our time, Turkish Star Wars has risen to cult status - which meant that I felt duty-bound to subject myself to it. When a spaceship set that cost him a good chunk of his modest budget was destroyed, Inanç figured that the only way to get this made was brazen theft. As the story goes, former porn director Çetin Inanç wanted to make a big scifi blockbuster to sate the desire of Turkish citizens, who were denied western films by the government. Now, he did this for the noblest intentions. For our tale today, we’re looking at Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam ( The Man Who Saved the World), or what’s become known as Turkish Star Wars due to how it grabbed parts of A New Hope and jammed it into a monster martial arts movie. Justin’s review: OK, so as you scratch your head wondering what a “Turkish” Star Wars is and why you’ve never heard of this, it helps to understand that there were all of these Turkish films made back in the 1970s and 1980s that shamelessly spliced in special effects, footage, and sound effects from other movies into their own tale. Justin’s rating: Help me, Cüneyt Arkın, you’re my only hope! “That’s what suit us, we must go beyond the space speed, be ready to welcome arrivers.”
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